I Wish Sometimes

I wish sometimes that I could have it all figured out.
I wish I could say that I march forward everyday and that I never doubt.
To be real, if I told you how I feel,

 you just might not like it.

Like, when I've gone astray, 

and then I struggle when I pray
because I think you don't want to hear me say,

"Lord, I need you" one more time.
Beginning, middle, and end of the story, you know how it goes 

like an old nursery rhyme.
I wish sometimes that my life 

was more of a reflection of your face.
I wish I would stop wishing 

and just fall into your grace.
So amazing, this breath in our lungs!
I'd hate to waste it.

These petty disappointments
somehow render me utterly preoccupied,

and if I told you that I'm not that easily distracted, I'm sorry, but I lied.

When the day grows dim 

but the sky lights up,
stop me in my tracks; 

make me halt so abrupt,
so that I can remember 

how you sought after me
while the sun was still shining bright,
and how you fought for me 

in the dark of the night.
When darkness prevailed, you said,
"This is not the end.
Sorrow may linger, 

but your heart I will mend."
For a little while, 

you might stand in the rain.
For a little while, 

you might feel the pain.
This temporal life can leave you 

broken down.
You might reach for a hand up,
and sometimes it feels like a hand 

won't ever be found.
Keep reaching.
 As I repeat the words you say,
"Do not fear, for I am here; do not dismay for I am your God.
 I will strengthen you and help you.
 I will hold you up with my righteous right hand."

Fearless as a tight-rope walker,

but will you throw out a net to catch me wherever I land?

I wish sometimes I could have it all figured out.

Trusting and abiding;

you show me what "walk by faith"

 is all about. 

AEJ 10/14/15