I Wish Sometimes

I wish sometimes that I could have it all figured out.
I wish I could say that I march forward everyday and that I never doubt.
To be real, if I told you how I feel,

 you just might not like it.

Like, when I've gone astray, 

and then I struggle when I pray
because I think you don't want to hear me say,

"Lord, I need you" one more time.
Beginning, middle, and end of the story, you know how it goes 

like an old nursery rhyme.
I wish sometimes that my life 

was more of a reflection of your face.
I wish I would stop wishing 

and just fall into your grace.
So amazing, this breath in our lungs!
I'd hate to waste it.

These petty disappointments
somehow render me utterly preoccupied,

and if I told you that I'm not that easily distracted, I'm sorry, but I lied.

When the day grows dim 

but the sky lights up,
stop me in my tracks; 

make me halt so abrupt,
so that I can remember 

how you sought after me
while the sun was still shining bright,
and how you fought for me 

in the dark of the night.
When darkness prevailed, you said,
"This is not the end.
Sorrow may linger, 

but your heart I will mend."
For a little while, 

you might stand in the rain.
For a little while, 

you might feel the pain.
This temporal life can leave you 

broken down.
You might reach for a hand up,
and sometimes it feels like a hand 

won't ever be found.
Keep reaching.
 As I repeat the words you say,
"Do not fear, for I am here; do not dismay for I am your God.
 I will strengthen you and help you.
 I will hold you up with my righteous right hand."

Fearless as a tight-rope walker,

but will you throw out a net to catch me wherever I land?

I wish sometimes I could have it all figured out.

Trusting and abiding;

you show me what "walk by faith"

 is all about. 

AEJ 10/14/15

When It Seems The World Screams

By what standard shall we abide?

In who's trust can we confide?

When it seems the world screams-

"The sky is falling!", 

do we just avert our eyes, 

completely hypnotized by just another

nightly news segment that flashes on a screen?

Do our hearts yet burn within,

a grievance, something fierce, 

for all to be made right again?

Can we fan the flame to make it bright

as we march into a new day, 

and can we still love in a real way
like you showed us to begin with?

Have we become too absorbed with keeping score
that we've missed what really matters?
Self-indulged, self-satisfied,
I serve my criticism on gold platters.
It takes the form of defense.
It takes the form of fear.
It takes the form of laying low.
Why trod into new territory when it's safe to stay
on the fence with nearly everything I know?
By what standard shall we abide?
When it seems the world screams-
"I just want to feel accepted!",
can we all just agree that we've been down that road?
Under a blanket of truth, can we find some grace
and some common ground?
Will it lighten your load if you quit dragging it around,
because it's hard to reach out when your hands are full.
With fresh eyes, let us deeply abide,
throwing off these heaps of hurt and pride.
When it seems the world screams,
may we look with eyes of grace.

AEJ  9/9/2015

For The Love: Review

This is not a poem.

This space usually serves as a place for poetry, so I feel the need to give a disclaimer to my two followers and my Grandma: the following information does not rhyme. It shouldn't leave you confused and left to interpret on your own, questioning-- "What does she really mean by that?", or "Geez, Amanda must be in a dark and twisty place right now..." 

None of that. 

Just an honest review of an excellent book that I would recommend to any living, breathing soul on the planet. Really. There's something for everyone in this book. If you need a laugh, you'll laugh plenty. 
If you need encouragement -slash- a firm "Get going, Pumpkin!", 
you'll find it. 

Back in March, Author/Speaker/Blogger/HGTVer, Jen Hatmaker, offered the world of social media a chance to be a part of the "Launch Team" for her newest book- For The Love. Honestly, I've never been one of those girls that has a constant new stack of reading material, much less, one of those girls who can re-read the same book multiple times, but I decided to jump on board and filled out the application. I have read several of Jen's previous books, blogs, witty Facebook posts, and I have admired her authenticity for several years now, 

so I decided it was worth a shot to be a part of the team.

A few days later, I received an email from the publishing company welcoming me to the For The Love Launch Team. A digital unedited version of Jen's manuscript was sent, and a paper copy was mailed out shortly after. There's 500 of us from across the globe, a Facebook group that has grown into a special place of connection and conversation like I've never seen before, real-life meetups with other team members, and some serious "book club" chatter. 
In a nutshell, many of the components of Jen's book have been displayed, practiced, wrestled with, talked about, and lived out through this process of reading and digesting For The Love alongside this group.

"What are some of those components Jen talks about?"

Without needing to insert the words "SPOILER ALERT" in flashy letters, 
I'll do my best to provide a summary that will do this book justice, for the love!

From the introduction, Jen talks about her love of people. This one sentence helps paint a picture of what can be considered a focus point of the entire book:

"I'm hoping to help lead a tribe that does more healing 
and less hurting."

The end.
Just kidding. Jen unpacks that statement for us like it's her job. 

By starting off with an others-oriented focus that encourages the reader to return to more of a "love-your-neighbor" mentality, Jen sets the tone to encourage grace, remove the unreasonable standards that we put on ourselves and on others, and fosters a sense of unity that can only develop when a group of human beings learn that

"This is why we live and breathe: for the love of Jesus, for the love of our own souls, for the love of our families and people, for the love of our neighbors and this world. This is all that will last. 
Honestly, it is all that matters."

This book covers a wide range of topics, digging deep into struggles such as relationships and difficult people, to a serious urging for people everywhere to widen our lens of understanding in terms of the gospel message (Since there's an entire world out there, and the American evangelical version of the gospel and the actual gospel are rarely the same thing). Jen also brings up the search for a "calling" while keeping this broadened view of the gospel and asking questions that reshape the entire outlook on Christian living. She provides a fresh perspective and a new "biblical benchmark" that she now uses 

"for every hard question, big idea, topic, 
assessment of our own obedience, 
every "should" or "should not" and "will" or "will not" 
we ascribe to God, every theological sound bite.
Here it is:
If it isn't also true for a poor single Christian mom in Haiti, it isn't true."

This statement has the power to help the reader see the world as a whole, let go of some of the parts of life that we find ourselves arguing and debating over, and removes some of our own cultural ties and preferences that we apply to the gospel- since, clearly, Jesus saves lives across the world and across cultures. His mercy is endless, and we ought to be more aware of the immensity of 
His love for His people. 

This book is oozing with truth, backed by fundamental teachings of Jesus, but also busting with humor and wit in a way that only Jen can produce. To be clear, it's like going to brunch with a long-time friend that you haven't seen in 
a while-- covering topics from the fashion atrocity that is tights as pants, last night's Jimmy Fallon episode, the newest recipes to try, and a giant dose of
In-Your-Face-Let's-Live-Our-Lives-In-A-Real-Way-For-The-Love.

Just as women tend to bounce from topic to topic, Jen has laid out the content of this book in a way that just makes sense. Her authenticity is shown, and her understanding of the importance of community is enough to encourage even the most introverted person to share a smile, to share a meal, to share some humanity with anyone they meet. She repeatedly mentions this idea of finding your "tribe". She dedicates a chapter to an organic, filling, and purposeful gathering known as "Supper Club", in which, several friends(who were all strangers at one point in time) meet up for (you guessed it....supper). 
Often, we don't give enough credit to those around us, and something as simple as sharing a meal with others can provide something much richer 
than double chocolate brownies.
 Jen gets this.

The following chapter is devoted to the idea of maintaining community with those in your tribe. She states, "If Jesus is the heart of the church; people are the lifeblood. There is a reason He created community and told us to practice grace and love and camaraderie and presence.           
People soften the edges and fill in the gaps."
She talks about this natural craving that people have to be known, to be loved, and to feel like we belong. If that's what we crave, why not be that for someone else? Jen goes on to say,
"We give and get here. According to Jesus, the love of God and people is the substance of life."

There truly is something for everyone in this book. I am not a wife or a mom, but the topics and discussion points that Jen provides are useful and relevant for any life stage. If you're married, you can find solid advice on keeping that relationship strong, fun, and unified. If you're a parent, you can find permission to not be everything, do everything, and acquire everything. You don't even have to make dolphin shaped sandwiches for your kids. They'll survive. If you're trying to fight off a quarter life crisis, you'll be encouraged to find more meaningful things to exert your time, talents, and attention to. If you've been going to church all of your life, you'll find a fresh perspective on how to get along with your fellow church-goers, how to give your church leaders a break from that pedestal that we put them on, and, essentially, how to not be crappy Christians. If you've been hurt by the church, you'll find a sincere voice saying that you are known, loved, and accepted.

Sometimes people suck, but throughout the book, Jen draws us back to this notion of embracing the grace that has been given to us. In response, may we make a conscious effort to give out grace to our family, friends, neighbors, 
co-workers, and everyone that we encounter in this life.
Jen encourages,
"This is it. This is our one life. Let's go for it together."

If you haven't already ordered For The Love, 
I would definitely recommend that you do!
The book officially releases August 18, 2015.


Order online!
http://forthelovebook.com/


Check out the FTL book trailer on youtube!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjyZ91Z0nFs

Be Where You Are. Feel What You Feel.

Be where you are.
Feel what you feel.

Where you are is not an illusion,
and what you feel is quite real.
Poised and stoic,
it's the face you display
when the onlookers chime in
to say you shouldn't feel that way.
Be where you are.
Feel what you feel.

What if we all dropped the act
and embraced the totality of who we are,
instead of exhaustively overcompensating 

for where we have lacked?
Be where you are.
Feel what you feel.
What if we embraced 

the totality of who He is,
instead of trying to makes sense of it all?
Would life be but a vapor,
instead of an ongoing up-hill crawl?
Will we ever get that we're in this together?
Can we give ourselves permission
to come inside, out of the bad weather?
Be where you are.
Feel what you feel.

AEJ
4/14/15

Rooted in Fear, the Lies We Hear

How can we be effective in a world that's so infected?
Plagued with the worst case of animosity,
are we too self righteous to see what's right in front of us?
What's causing all the fuss?
Do we hide inside the warm confines of our religiosity,
claiming a solid truth, but too afraid to make a move,
so we just blame it on the youth
and call it a day in the life
of someone just trying to make it?
Rooted in fear, the lies that we hear,
the ones that say "You can't",
"You're not good enough",
and every seemingly compelling thought
that cripples and paralyzes the forward mover.
May we join together to cut the lies
that have tethered and bound.
Maybe, then, we can finally make some ground
and love like we should.
Would you join if you could?
If you could see the whole picture,
would you have faith for the fight,
or would fear, so entangling,
constantly keep strangling
and hushing the very voices
we need so desperately to hear?
May it be a soft whisper.
May it be a loud scream.
Whatever it takes,
awaken a spirit with permission to dream
beyond the day to day routine
and the happenstance interactions.
Imagine a world where the lies are replaced.
Imagine a world where we hand out
grace over grudges
and gratefulness over greed.
Reason with me,
when the lies that we hear,
the ones rooted in fear,
seem to never relent,
"He has not given us a spirit of fearfulness,
but one of power, love,
and sound judgment."

2 Tim. 1:7

AEJ 2/28/15

For What it's Worth

Common fallacy,
you see what you want to see.
Call it disillusionment,
but is it permanent,
this anger burning up inside your soul?
Get a wider lens, adjust the picture,
and see the whole.
Is it depravity that leads us to fight,
and to crave, and to desire?
Lord knows, we've all been burned by the fire
of someone's lies, or someone's pride,
or our own dignity.
How do you walk on, or sit down,
or fight the good fight
when no one will agree with what's wrong
and what's right?
If it's a moral code, let's get the facts straight.
I'm tired of your theories.
Your theories lack weight for such an argument
as the condition of the heart.
Why is there hate?
Why is there pain?
Why are there lies and trusts betrayed?
Can we get to the source?
Can we get to the cure?
Psychologists scratch their heads
while the media flashes more of the same.
What's the end game?
Can a person truly change
when history acts like a road map
to the same tired road?
Let me lighten that load.
It was never yours to bear.
Over coffee, a few will gather
to make sense of a world turned so cruel.
You can hear them try to reason,
and process, and explain it so neat and tidy.
It's Christmas, you know.
Let's not forget to wrap everything up and tie it with a bow.
That would be swell if only it was a permanent mend;
If every heartbreak would heal and every heartache would end.
If the colors of the season and the merriment and good tidings
could foster an exuberance for life that all could know,
we'd be a character of a Charles Dickens novel,
vowing to remember to spread cheer wherever we go.
The harsh reality is that sometimes even a smile is a hard thing to offer.
In a world so twisted can we cling to hope?
Would that help us cope?
Can we cling to a phrase sung out by choirs of angels,
echoing, "Peace on Earth"?
In view of His mercy, can we cling to what is good?
For what it's worth, it would be worth it if we could.

AEJ 12/22/14

Rejection of "The Self"

I tried to write my own story:
All the characters defined,
A perfect setting, a happy ending
All wrapped up and tied with a bow.
Isn't that how it's supposed to go?
A life considered marketable-
You can grab one right off the shelf.
Consumers stand in line,
Consumed with "The Self".
All shiny and neat,
just like everyone else,
Why help your neighbor
When you can help yourself?
But, it's so twisted,
The way we think we're so mighty-
Pristine castles, all clean and tidy
Until the tide rushes in and we're exposed
In the ruins of our homes made of sand.
"There's got to be a better way",
We all repeat as we head for drier land.
In the stillness, it hits me,
And my lips can not keep quiet.
His love runs deep and His grace is free.
We never have to buy it.
"There's got to be a better way!"
We say it like we mean it.
For clarity sake,
We're dealing with a monster.
It's the product of the lies we're told.
It's the little girl without a home
And the memory that haunts her.
It's the man who has to always win
Because his reputation is all that matters.
It's you and it's me,
Comparing what we have
As we climb Society's ladders.
It's strange, but I hear the echo now,
As if we've all had time to notice.
And, in my weakness, I cry out
"You are The One. You are The Way.
I'm the one in the way.
You are The One. You are The Way.
I'm the one in the way."
I kept my receipt.
I hope you'll let me return it.
"The Self" is a beast.
I'd rather live for The King.

AEJ 10/5/14

Far From Lackluster

Sometimes it takes some space
to see the worth in the mundane:
the seemingly lackluster
day to day deeds that evoke
a cringe, or a moan,
or a desire to be rescued.
Sometimes it takes some space
to evaluate the assessment
of your current state:
the overwhelmingly crippling thought
that your thoughts
have actually been skewed.
A little room to breathe
allows for a fresh assurance that
now is not forever.
Yet, we dig our feet in the ground
and just endure, as if this
is all we've got, and we think
we're so clever when we make excuses
to avoid the acceptance that
our tiny haphazard lives
were actually meant for more.
So, we hit the grind,
full speed ahead,
trying to find some sense of
attachment and worthwhile meaning
for our daily encounters,
but we still miss the point
at the end of the day.
Amongst ideas like
"Follow your passions" or
"Dream big", do we leave room
to simply trust and obey?
Limitations set aside,
can we thoroughly abide?
Could I jump ship,
knowing He will fully equip,
or could I stay the course;
would I stay on task,
if that is what He'd ask?
In the spirit of complexity,
how could I reduce
the one who made the stars
to a list of things
that I would or would not
be willing to try?
Far from lackluster, I can't deny,
yet, present in the mundane,
His plans are perfect.
He will forever reign.

AEJ 7/20/2014

Time Travel

The other day I was pondering the notion of time machines...
Someone's unrealistic devotion to be set into motion to a time other than now,
Begs me to question which tense, in all logical sense, would I prefer my existence?
Would you visit the past if you're still living in it?
Maybe, for the sake of closure and tact,
if you took a trip back, you could tie up some loose ends,
and make some amends.
Then, would you feel content to live in the present?
Presently, the future appears more intriguing.
Yet, how can you know what the future will hold?
Will it be bright and bold filled with all of the things
from all of the dreams you ever had hoped to see through to fruition?
Would you trust your intuition
to abandon the here and now for something not promised?
If life is but a breath, just breathe.
Breathe it all in while the world will still spin,
not trapped in the current because of where you've been,
and not too far ahead that you miss out on your surroundings.
With a cautious heart, hold on to what you know,
but with a fearless soul be ready to let all of that go.
Moments of trouble are great cause for digging in and finding your groundings.
Though, my foot was slipping and I cried out in distress, a hand lifted me up.
Now, I know where I stand.
Within reach of your hand, I live and move and breathe.
Like some great mysterious plan unraveling,
would it be too much of a stretch to accept
that maybe we are all made for far more than time traveling?

AEJ


Psalm 94:18, Acts 17:28, Hebrews 13:14

As Busy As You Choose To Be

You're as busy as you choose to be;
You're as free as you'll allow,
pleading to buy more time,
when the time is now.
Isn't it strange the way things change
when you see the grand scheme of it all?
Just as shadows prove there is still some light,
when your world goes dark,
do you have someone to call?
Have you burnt the last bridge?
Is this the last straw?
Your insecurity is bred by the lies your fed.
I'm as confident as the truth
that all of your strife and busyness
is just a sugar-coated "eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth."
Soon, you'll learn the significance and the peace of letting go,
and then you'll recognize the need to be more aware.
Someone else's world is crashing down,
will you be the one to care?
Remove self-doubt. Remove the need to control.
Time is of the essence when you see the kingdom here and now.
Here, in every heartbeat, in those who express a need,
and in those who don't know how.
I can feel it in my soul.
I can sense it in the eyes I've seen
as I look around.
If desperation had a face,
we would meet it anywhere we turn.
If we would return to grace,
then, how quickly we might learn!
You're as busy as you choose to be;
You're as free as you'll allow.

AEJ 5/1/2014

Never Forsaken

He said, "never forsaken"
and, yet, I've taken
for granted
the very things that He has handed me.
Single-handedly,
reaching for more of whatever I can get a hold of.
Hoping to breathe a little easier,
but are these walls closing in now?
Isn't it funny how
it seems a boulder sits upon my chest
as I recall saying, "I'll do my best."
Such a struggle to catch my breath,
and somewhere beneath the weight, I gasp.
Collapsing lungs, He knew the full extent.
Equal status with the Father,
yet He considered that not something to grasp.
He said, "never forsaken",
and I disregard how he became nothing for me.
What a notion! What complete devotion!
Another breath is granted,
and I can feel the load begin to break.
Breathing again, it becomes clear
what is meant by His kingdom;
by His kingdom here in this place.
Letting loose of clenched fists,
hearts awaken to give instead of take.
He said "never forsaken".

AEJ 03/23/2014

As I Am

Quick to speak; quick to throw out my opinion

on matters of life and strife and someone else’s hurting.

Flirting with the idea that what’s good for some

may not be good for all,

but all we really want is to feel set free from something.

Dodging the bullet by dancing around the truth,

pushing the limits, as shouts of “YOLO!” ring out from our youth.

A resounding theme of “If I do this, life will be grand”,

but before you start, look at your heart.

Crazed from getting from point A to B, looking the part,

accepting what we’ve been taught along the way,

are we numb to the pain?

Do we even realize that we’ve been shot?

Call a doctor! Some solid advice,

considering we’ve all got some problems,

which makes me stop and consider

that maybe the advice that I pride myself in dishing out

could be reserved and better served

up on a platter for my own good and benefit.

Then, again, what’s the use of it

if I turn away like nothing was said.

Deaf ears need more than moving lips.

Show me a passion

and a reaction that would move a mountain

and stir up a fire so bright.

Hues of orange, yellow, and red would ignite

and fill the sky.

But, if it takes heat to start a fire,

better bring some blankets.

Frankly, it’s so cold in my heart,

how could a fire start unless you break through and break it?

Tell me, does that sound about right?

Then, I’d step back and watch you move

as this stone begins to crumble

and this charade gets put on blast, as you take me as I am.

I’ll stand amazed by your willingness to overcome my foolishness

as I question why you even care.

All the while, you give reason to rejoice as I lift my weary voice,

And if this is my cross to bear, may I carry it with honor,

For your glory goes ahead of me and guides each step I take.

Teach me Lord, for your sake, to have some wisdom and some tact

as this world tries to beat me down and reminds me of all I lack.

I’m enough, because you’re more than enough, oh, teach me to repeat it.

Your ways are above my ways. You’re the freedom that I needed.

AEJ

Walls Will Fall

Walls will fall like Jericho,
a great crash and crumble,
as eyes glance upward and the proud turn humble.
Marching to the beat of a new drum,
shouts ring out in a glorious display of new found freedom.
"It is well" when the walls fall.
"It is well" is the phone call
that you put off, because you failed to let anyone in sooner...
or later...you find that you will overcome
despite the odds and the lies spit out by some.
Walls will fall like a demolition
when you stop and re-evaluate the weight of your mission
and control your ambition to be so important.
You might find that you're actually the prisoner,
instead of the warden, and as you cling to bars of iron,
you realize that your walls have you trapped.
This is not a game of cat and mouse,
it's the breaking of a new dawn.
It's the collapse of an old dilapidated house.
Windows shattered, a structure undone.
A cloud of dust settles, overshadowed by the morning sun.
Keep your head on a swivel. Always be looking out.
Meanwhile, the crowd will scream "Live a little!"
as they taunt and push you about.
Walls will fall all around you.
If you endure, you just might see it.
A glimpse of hope is all that's needed,
and to someone you just might be it.

AEJ  11/03/13

Some Things Are Borrowed and Some Things Are Bought

Borrowed words and borrowed thoughts to express the way you feel
only leave you borrowing time as you question what is real.

In all sincerity, would you rather seek and find
or accept the things you hear?
In a world where contradiction runs rampant,
can we hold our own,
or do we cower in fear of future freedoms to live as we please,
or to please who we live for?
Striving for simplicity, we complicate and miss the tasks:
seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with Him...
Is it too much too ask of us, made in His image,
while building up an image of ourselves in an effort to be different,
while we look just  like everyone else? 

And, in our tireless efforts to walk a certain road,
then, You will remind us we're not equipped to carry such a load.
Remove my blinders, and make swift my tied up feet,
so that I can see the reality of your presence and no longer claim defeat.
Some things are borrowed and some things are bought.
Sweet victory!
We are purchased and made new by the one who knows our every thought.

AEJ 09/07/2013

Resilience

It's the natural inclination of a weak and wounded nation
to put up a fight when the present times seem pressing
and the very thing worth fighting for is what keeps us up at night.
It's the beckoning call to withdraw hasty interpretations
of the reality that exists when we take off our blinders
and see that we're all just broken people,
bandaging up bloodied fists
after our livelihood is threatened
in this world of chaos and competition.
If "the buck stops here", why do we pass the blame, feel the shame,
and minimize the urgency of the things that matter most?
Who's in charge, anyway? Is this your party? Are you the host?
A balancing act between maintaining composure and saving face,
exhausting all efforts to earn acceptance,
never mind that we're covered by saving grace.
If our ability for resiliency is something to be spoken for,
historically, the banner yet waves,
overcoming and striving for more.
It's the natural inclination of a soul
that's crying out to put up a fight
when reminded of past victories and the fuel
that launched them into flight.
It's the beauty and the brilliance of the strength
to stand back up,
and the smile that returns when you can say,
"joy overflows my cup".


AEJ

Wendel Walks

A man that lives down the road from my apartment had a stroke several months ago.
His name is Wendel, and he's a story of hope.
Over the last few months, Wendel has been learning to walk again.
First, with the help of a therapist and a walker.  He would take the steps from his front porch to about halfway down his driveway, where he could at least feel the cool evening breeze and catch a glimpse of the magnolia tree in bloom. A few weeks later, Wendel was making the walk from his porch to his mailbox at the end of his driveway, still with the help of his therapist, but what an exciting accomplishment!
About a month ago, I turned onto my street after a crazy day at work to find a lady in bright pink scrubs and Wendel pushing his walker, slowly, but surely, right in front of my apartment complex. My heart was thrilled for him.

A couple weeks ago, I drove around the block near my apartment, where I found Wendel taking one step at a time, holding on to that walker, by himself.
No therapist holding him at the waist; nobody coaching him along....just Wendel and his walker.
Today, I was standing at my door trying to decide if it was jeans or shorts weather. I glanced across the street, and saw Wendel rounding the corner by himself with a cane in his right hand.  Slowly, but surely, he walks every day- training his mind, and training his legs to do the things that they did for years and years until the stroke.

When I think about Wendel, I can't help but think how frustrating that would be, but I'm also reminded about how Christ gives us the chance to start over in many different ways. Ultimately, he provides the chance to trade a broken, destined-for-hell life, for a complete and eternally awesome one. He also takes specific situations, past mistakes, and past disasters and offers a fresh start.

It's not all fresh evening breezes and blooming magnolia trees, though.

When I watch Wendel struggle with each step he takes, I wonder if he ever feels like giving up on it all.
I wonder if he recalls the days when he could walk to his mailbox without giving much thought to it; without having to focus so intently on getting his right leg to bend at the knee.
The encouraging thing about Wendel is that even through the struggle, he remains focused and disciplined.
It reminds me of what Paul says in Philippians 3.

 ^"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in^[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Now, I don't know where Wendel stands in a spiritual sense, but I can see in his eyes a sense of awareness that says "I'm not there yet, but I'm on my way." In these verses, Paul is now speaking with a perspective of faith in Christ, instead of his former perspective of upholding his status and the credentials that made him a leader in the Jewish religion. He sees a clear picture of his future, regardless of the past, and regardless of how bad things may get for him in the future. This idea of "pressing on" implies that there will be pressure, and we're all familiar with the pressures of life. We're bombarded daily by stress, pressure, disappointments, and pain. 

When I see Wendel, I can almost hear him say "I will press on. I will press on." 

What a challenge and encouragement he provides!

Relevance

More relevant than the elephant in the room,
is the burning desire to set a holy fire
in the hearts that don't know
 that they beat for something better
than the lofty ambitions and plans that self-consume.
Yet, stifled by pride, or the plank in my eye,
I hold that hope captive.
Instead of taking captive every thought
to point a world to the One who's blood has bought
my life and my salvation,
it seems, I'm plagued with hesitation.
You quench my thirst
and I quench the spirit,
as I struggle to reciprocate the love that You lavish.
If reassurance is what I'm after,
remind me how You turn sorrow into laughter.
Show me that Your discipline is for my good,
and stir up a passion within me to treat the world
the way You would--
with relevance.


AEJ 4/15/2013

LOVE

Wrapped up in a banner of it;
overwhelmed by the manner of it,
as it ignites a flame, and I'm put to shame
when I see how I resist the name
of the one who brings the very thing I'm chasing.
Racing the clock,
instead of clinging to the Rock of Ages,
I falter and fail to remember
that mountains may shift and hills may shake,
but nothing will take, nothing can eradicate
the love that You have granted;
your mercies won't allow it.
Yet, somehow, it
demands my attention,
when it becomes clear that this life is
more of an honorable mention
when compared with Your love that surpasses
every thought that we take captive.
I try not to be too adaptive
 in this land where hearts get robbed
over a short lived emotion.
Instead, I consider Your devotion as I recall
You've counted every hair on my head.

AEJ 12:10AM

Grace For The Rebel Heart

A heart of rebellion,
you can never really tell when
the motives will switch.
A heart to please, or the plea of a heart to be filled?
This is not some glitch to be smoothed out,
it's the product of jaded desires and self doubt.
Clarity, oh, to see things the way You see
with a vision that brings a vision of change,
though, the destination seems far out of range.
You fix the focus and direct the steps of the runaway.
Rerouting rebellion; it's a novel notion but such devotion
would make a freed felon want to stay.
...and that's the beauty of grace.

AEJ

Call It

Call it a misappropriation of appropriate behavior.
Call it what you want.
I'm just calling on a Savior.
Call it a conflict of interest-
handing out smiles just to check it off a good deeds list,
but You see right through this.
Call it living on a mission to get God's attention
when all He really wants is to capture yours.
Call it a pride thing
when you walk the same halls, oblivious to all the open doors.
Like a game of cat and mouse,
you pursue what you want,
and sometimes all you want is a way out.
"Out of sight, out of mind",
but with this kind of view, we can forget
"seek and you will find".
Call it a resolution
when you seek to make a change,
and call it dissapointment when our goals are in sight
but out of range.
Call it giving up control or going out on a limb.
Call it what you want, but to be clear-
He calls me to call on Him.

AEJ 1/6/2013